Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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