And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I feel like abortions should bother me more
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
