dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
