I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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