Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
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