Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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