You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
