Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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