so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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