If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I have tasted many bathrooms
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
