Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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