I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
