Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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