I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
