She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
