Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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