i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
