i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
