I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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