best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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