so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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