He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
