Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
