Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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