i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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