the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
