I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
