no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
