Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
