Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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