So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
