Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
