The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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