just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
