i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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