I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Randomize
