just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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