So drunk, too bad you don't want this
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
