Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
