talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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