i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
