I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
