i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
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