I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
