My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
