I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
She announced her abortion via fbk
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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