We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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