put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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