I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
