dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
